Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Gender Roles

Since we are in this great transition, Joe & I have been talking about our future a lot lately. Usually in a fun hypothetical way.
House hunting online.
Dreaming about great jobs that make me want to get up in the morning (I am crazy about psychology, I am so excited to have a job I love).
Having kids.
What Joe wants to major in in college.
Getting another dog.
Shopping for huge grills.
Planning on buying a Jeep for Joe.

LOL, all the fun stuff. And I blurted out that I wanted to be the parent that goes to work and comes home and plays with the kids, dinner on the table, house has been vacuumed, bed is made, I can relax with my family. I want to be the "dad." LOL! And I just know this makes me sound like a bad female, a bad wife, and potentially a bad mom. Well, Joe just smiles. He has worked his butt off for the last 7 years. He would love to stay home with the kids. And that's currently the plan, kinda. Once I get a job and he's in school and we're settled in Arkansas, we want to start a family. Joe can be a student and a house husband while I would 40 hours a week. Once Joe graduates, we can reevaluate the roles. But I can always see us having non-traditional roles in our household.

I'm trying to find when or where I decided I wanted to have a more non-traditional role. I was raised by a very strong woman, with very strong female role models, but they are great moms too. So maybe I think, on some level, that Joe will be a better parent than I will be? In my last psychology class, we learned just how important a father is on a family. And how a male can very successfully be the lead parent when it comes to a parent/child relationship. And I really do believe that Joe will be an awesome father. So maybe I want to step back and let him be the dad I know he can be?

But also, at one point in my life, I seriously thought I had to chose between being a mom and being a career woman. Of course now, at 28, I know that a female can do both. But I want to work. I find passion in psychology and research. I want a job where I can be excited and passionate about my career path. I want to dedicate myself to this career. And I don't want that to diminish my role as a mother.

I know it will all work out. But we still like to talk about it.

And on a very personal level, I cannot wait to get out of this Army wife life so that I can find other women who have goals!! Yes, some Army wives, like me, have a life outside of their husband's job, but by far, most don't. And they get offended when I tell them I don't want to be a SAHM and have something important to me outside the home. Really, I get angry offensive messages about it. I don't know why my goals offend others. They can be SAHMs if they wish. Why cant I follow my dreams without the trolls coming out of the woodwork?


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