Sunday, January 24, 2010

My furry alarm

It's absurd to think that a 6lb yorkie can make you feel safer when you're alone, but time and time again, that seems to be the case.

I got Rigel when I was in college. My mother told me that I needed another heartbeat in the house. I got Rigel a month before I was even engaged, but lets not forget that Joe was in Germany until we were married for 6 months. I lived alone. And Rigel was just a little pup.

But now he's a grown dog of 3. And he knows what sounds normal and what doesn't. When Joe is home, Rigel goes to sleep with me. He snuggles under the covers and starts snoring. All is right with the world. But if Joe's not here when I go to bed, Rigel acts completely different. He sits at the edge of the bed and doesn't fall asleep fast. He's my alert pup!

Last night I went to bed fairly early, but Joe was out with a buddy of his. About 1:30am, my furry alarm goes off. I grab him and listen. I cant hear anything, not even the normal sound of a key in the lock. Many suppressed breathes later, I heard Joe's key unlocking the door. And Rigel sounds off again. Relentlessly. This is not normal, and Rigel understands that. Joe announces his normal greeting to Rigel, but there is another voice, a very different male voice. Rigel is off the bed. Barking and hopping. Joe and I both get Rigel to calm down. All of his people are home. All is right with the world. Rigel can go to sleep, under the covers, curled up by my side.

As most of my friends know, Joe is leaving soon. And it worries me on many levels. I've always been fairly paranoid. But now I have a trained alarm, always set to loud. He's not going to attack any intruders, but he's going to make sure I know about it. And I have my own fun surprise for these intruders. But on some level, I feel safer knowing that I can go to sleep at night and know I have a little furry alarm by my side.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

New Moon

Time passes.
Even when it seems impossible.
Even when each tick
of the second hand
aches like the
pulse of blood
behind a bruise.
It passes unevenly,
in strange lurches
but it does.

Even for me.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Set Fire to the Third Bar

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths Jobby that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science
Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have travelled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

~Snow Patrol

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Goals for 2010

I personally never make resolutions for New Years. I never stick to them. But this year will be new and different so I'm going to set some long term goals to better my life and marriage.

Goal #1: Get healthy. Its not a weight loss plan. Its not a diet. Its a live-it! We plan on trying to get pregnant in about a year so I need to be fit and healthy for the baby and myself through a pregnancy.

Goal #2: Use Rigel to the best of his ability. He's an amazing dog and has done wonders for my lazy reclusive personality. He makes me get out, even if its just out the door. We've already met two neighbors and their dogs. Rigel was in training in Arkansas and his trainer thought he would be an amazing therapy dog (in spite the fact that she wasn't even a fan of yorkies- but she loved Rigel all the same!). I will get him back in training and will follow through with CGC certification and therapy dog certification (if I can afford the $$$ it takes). He will be amazing to work with when I become a psychologist.

Goal #3: Become independent again. It sounds weird, but I've become increasingly more dependent on my husband and his way of life. I guess its a good thing to a point. But if he's deploying soon, I need to get back to my independent roots. When I was in college, even at 17 years old, I wasn't afraid to do anything by myself. I think my Psychology background will help me out in this area. We were forced to be alone in situations: go to dinner alone, go see a movie alone, go walk in the park alone (or with Rigel), etc. I lived alone in an apartment all by myself for 3 years and wasn't afraid of the dark or creaks. I wasn't afraid to be places alone or meet new people. I need to find that brave girl again. Don't get me wrong, I love being part of a marriage and a partnership, but in this very unique situation my husband has put me in, I need to retain my brave independence. Joe has told me he married me because he knew I could handle this Army wife life. I know I can do it. I just need to find that fearless attitude I had in college. Its in me. I know it is.

Goal #4: Read more. I know it sounds simple. But I used to read all the time. I've let my brain atrophy. I've begun reading again and it's actually hard. It the world of TV and internet, I've become impatient. So I'm going to slow my world down and curl up with a good book and read. You'd be surprised how much it will do for you. I need to read for my brain, but also for my GRE. This will help me read for information but also read for vocabulary.

So here's to 2010!

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