How to be a dick when living in close proximity to others.
1. Make sure you blare your wannabe gangster rap music at all times from your open porch door.
2. Throw your cigarette butts in the yard.
3. Throw chicken bones in the yard that all the neighbors use and the dogs choke on.
4. Throw an end table out of your loving room window at 10pm on a random Tuesday. Make sure there are shards of glass in that yard that kids play in.
5. Pretend like you can't park your BMW in a single parking spot. Park so you are at least taking up two spots. I bet you could occupy 3 spots if you try really hard.
6. When your girl friend du jour brings her dog over do not put it on a leash or pick up its shit.
7. Have awesomely loud parties on a random Wednesday that last until midnight and make people call the cops about the noise. You'll show them that a cop can't stop your party lifestyle next Wednesday.
8. During one of the parties, have a drunk friend make a scene outside and smash the windshield of your BMW with a baseball bat. Make sure your car alarm is on.
9. Sit on your porch acting like the wannabe gangster you are and cat call the wives of Soldiers. Then get super defensive when said Soldier yells at you about it.
10. Blare wannabe gangster music from your car in the parking lot and scream over the music. Make sure you do this for at least an hour and a half.
And always remember-- You know people want to live next to a dick like you, so let it all out. You are awesome, everyone knows you're an awesome wannabe gangster dick. The neighbors just need to get with the times. They are the problem, not you.
3 years ago